San Francisco Women Leaders Association Chapter Meeting: Silencing Self-Doubt

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for having me here today. Um my name is Natasha. I'm a designer and creative director working in the Bay Area. Uh my current role is with Sephora, which um if you're not familiar is a global beauty brand and uh I've been there about 5 years. I manage a team of designers and art directors concepting and executing campaigns uh and branding projects that span across video, mobile, prints, and our retail environment. Well, thank you. Well, thank you so much for being with us this afternoon. I have your slides pulled up, so just say next slide when it's time to advance and the floor is all yours. Okay, great. So, I chose um this subject today not because um I'm necessarily the the world's top expert, but I have felt firsthand how damaging self-doubt can be. I think I'm really good at what I do, and I consistently receive positive feedback on my work. And yet, despite all this, I have this nagging mean girl voice in my head, and it tries to constantly focus my attention on the negative. She points out all of my mistakes and plants a seed of self-doubt over and over again. But thankfully, I have learned some valuable tricks that help keep that voice in my head from taking over. It's my hope that by sharing my experience with you um in an open and honest way that I may help some of you also silence your self-doubts or at least turn the volume down just a little bit. So, next slide. So I wanted to just start with a simple definition. So imposter syndrome is defined as the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one own one owns effort or skills. Um but I'm a visual person. So I'd like to um give you a little visualization of this. So next slide. So this is what I think it feels like without imposttor syndrome and without self-doubt. So maybe you have just gotten a project that you really like or promotion or you started a new role you're excited about and this is how at least I feel you know my brain is happy and I see daisies and everything is great. Next slide. And then this is how I feel once imposter syndrome has set in. So for me um this shows up as starting to second and guess everything. Um it often comes in the form of racing and repeated repeated negative thoughts and it can feel really confusing and overwhelming. Next slide. So these feelings show up differently for different people. Um, sometimes we just can't internalize our successes. Um, we may find ourselves making up a series of excuses to counter the compliments that we're receiving or it can cause us to focus on one tiny and often really inconsequential mistake. Next slide, please. So essentially, however this shows up for you, um it's really taking something that is positive and turning it into an experience that actually feels really negative. Next slide. So this is um you know can be really damaging. All of these sort of negative thoughts or ghosts in your head um can have a lot of effects on us and um it may be that it causes um resistance to speaking which has all sorts of implications um not only in the workplace but also in your everyday life. Um it it can it can be job performance cause low self-esteem um anxiety depression and burnout. Next slide please. So according to the journal of mental health and clinical psychology, um employees who persistently question their professional legitimacy may also be at a higher risk for experiencing adverse psychological outcomes with implications for career retention and advancement. So this um syndrome is you know it's preventing us from filling up the space that we deserve and it's preventing um more women from from filling up the space in these higher positions and this is obviously not a good thing. Next slide. So it's estimated that about 70% of people experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives. Um, and you know, imposter syndrome can affect people in all walks of life, but it overindexes women. So, if we want to see ourselves succeed, it's critical that we learn to manage these negative thoughts. And the first step to doing this is to recognize that it's happening and identify how it's showing up for you. So, this slide um is uh showing you some different personas. So these have been identified by some research. Um and I'd like to just walk you through some key points for these. So the first one is perfectionist. And this is the one that um I think I really identify with. Um if you fall under this bucket, you know, you set extremely high expectations for yourself. And even if you're meeting, you know, 99% of your goals or those expectations, that 1% just kills you and it can make you feel like a failure. Um even small mistakes make you question your own competence. Um if you are an expert so you may you may feel the need to just know everything. It's not enough that you know most um and this really comes into play a lot I think with job applications. So we've all seen you know these crazy long lists of requirements for different job postings. And if you don't suffer from imposter syndrome you know you're going to put yourself out there. you might say, "I've got most um or enough of the skills listed." But if you are an expert and you suffer from imposttor syndrome, you know, you're not even going to go ahead and apply. You won't take that risk. And so um that can be also really damaging and keep you from from reaching out for these opportunities. If you're a natural genius, you know, you may be some be someone who um it comes things come really easily to you, but when you actually are faced with something that then is challenging, it makes you question, you know, your competence and your skills. And obviously, you know, of course that's not true. All of the people that we idolize um you know, they've all had to work to get where they are. They may have um intelligence, but you know, they still have to put in the work to get there. Um, if you're a soloist, so you feel the need to do things on your own, this one's a little bit more self-explanatory. Um, and you know, you don't want to ask for help because the the asking for help and the reaching out to others makes you feel like a failure or a fraud. Um, now obviously this one is, you know, really um has a lot of implications because especially in business like you constantly have to rely on other people. um especially if you're managing a team, but you know always it's so important to ask other people for help and to get that support. And then finally uh the superman or superwoman. So if you fall under this bucket, you know, you feel the need to push yourself harder than those around you. Um, and you know, I think there's nothing wrong with working really hard, but this becomes damaging when you know, you just feel the need to work all the time and to feel perfect and to be feeling like you have to do everything, you know, and this doesn't just apply to work across all areas of your life. Okay. So, now that we've all identified, you know, which bucket we fall in, maybe year one or two, um, then, you know, what do we do about it? How do we move on from here? Next slide. So I think a really great place to start is to stop telling ourselves, stop telling women that they have imposter syndrome. And um you know there was a paper with this title that was written and published in the Harvard Business Review. And um there's a lot to unpack in there. I'm not going to go into all of it now, but I think it made some really great points. And the first one is that, you know, there's something really demoralizing about the name imposttor syndrome. It's become such a commonplace term that it's possible that we've actually begun to internalize this idea of being an imposttor when in fact, you know, perfectionism and self-doubt that they don't make you an impostor. Um, you're not sick, you're not crazy, you're human. Feeling unsure is a human thing. Another issue is that it completely ignores a lot of the underlying causes of this so-called syndrome. So, as women, and even more so, if you happen to be a woman of color, you likely have been conditioned by your environment, by the media, um that either misrepresents you, if it represents you at all, um you've most likely endured micro and probably not so microaggressions. And these have all piled up over a lifetime. the experiences, you know, that you've had, they affect you and they affect your thinking and behavior and they can fuel these negative voices in your head and it puts the pl the blame on yourself instead of the people and places um around you that created them. So, you know, personally, I've been very lucky to work with women and lead teams of people who have championed my success, but I wasn't born into that place. I carry with me all of the expectations, both good and bad. um that came before. So, it's really important, I think, to see this in context and to start calling out ourselves by kinder names and to not just focus on our symptoms, but to put attention and energy on the cause and create a larger cultural shift. But in order to do this, we need to reframe the way we look at the so-called syndrome. And we need to start by to heal by learning to reframe our negative thoughts. So this brings me to my next step and next slide. Okay, so this is Bnee Brown. Um, many of you have probably heard of her or even seen her famous TED talks or Netflix special. Um, but for those of you who aren't famili familiar with her, um, she refers to herself as a shame researcher. And I think there's a lot of correlation between her work and the effects of imposttor syndrome. But there's one thing that she talks about in particular that really stuck with me. Um you can watch her whole talk uh and get the full story. But here's kind of the shorter version. So as humans, you know, we really love to fill in the gaps in our narrative. You know, we're constantly making up stories and whether we're conscious of it or not. But we can condition ourselves to notice when this is happening and call it out. So what she says is the story I'm telling myself is. And the idea is that you have to stop, ask yourself what that story is, and then fact check it for reality. And this has been such a powerful tool for me when negative thoughts start to take over. If I'm able to recognize what is happening and stop my brain for just a second, I start to pick apart the stories and it becomes really clear to me how much I have filled in and how little base in reality these stories often are. So, in the spirit of Bnee, we're going to walk through um some common imposttor syndrome thoughts and uh do a little reframing exercise. So, next slide. All right. So, I like to call this the series the impostor defense. um similar to the um cartoon that I shared earlier, you know, these kind of show up as a defense to some other positive um feedback or experiences that you may have been getting. So, this first one is um I just got lucky that time and a reframe of that if you go to the next slide. Okay. So, my education, experience, and hard work led me to the right solution. So, it may feel like luck, but if you really examine it and step back for a second, you know, I think that you will realize that it's actually the culmination of, you know, all of your experience, your education, and your hard work. Next one, please. Okay, so this one I just had the right connections. Okay, so the reframe for this if we go to the next slide. So instead we can say the time and energy I put into building and maintaining my personal and professional network paid off. So you know making and maintaining good connection it's not a flaw. It's actually a key skill and a sign that you're on your way to success. There's absolutely nothing wrong with using your network and it certainly doesn't undermine or lessen your skill set or abilities. Next slide, please. Okay, so this one it wasn't really me. I had a lot of help. And the reframe for this, if we go to the next slide, getting help is a privilege, not handicap. So, I would even go so far as to say that getting help is a necessity. You know, I've always had to rely on others to get my work done, but especially now that I manage a team, this is even more important. Um, you know, trusting and relying on them is the only way that I'm going to get the work done. And as I move farther and farther away from the physical day-to-day design as a manager, I have learned to shift my mindset and celebrate my efforts and ability to draw out the best work in those around me. The more help that I get from my team, the more successful I consider myself to be. Next slide. Oh, yes. So, this one I made it I made it up as I went along. All right. So, let's re reframe this one. We go to the next slide. Okay. So, instead, my strengths help me navigate ambiguity and learn new skills which led to success. So, I consider myself to be successful, but but I am constantly making it up as I go along. Um, you know, in fact, it's actually one of the favorite parts of my job because it means that I am growing and constantly learning new things. It's, you know, it's what keeps it interesting for me. Um, a promotion or a new role is always going to have new challenges and you don't have to have all the answers. You just need to approach the challenges with a sense of honesty and curiosity. Being able to admit that you don't know the answer, but then ask the right questions is also a path to success. and all sorts of past experiences can help you problem solve. You know, that's what that's what you're there for. Not because you already have the answer, but because you have the skills and experience to figure it out. Okay, next slide, please. If I can do it, so can pretty much anyone. All right, so let's go to the next slide for the reframe of this one. other people's potential does not invalidate my success. I put in the work necessary to achieve my goals. So yes, of course it's possible that you know other people with the right training may be able to do your job, but who cares? You're the one that put in the time and the energy. You know, I think it's true for many industries, but particularly particularly in my industry. You know, there's so many right answers. Um, my creative solution will be different from another creative who gets the same brief. And that's okay. There's plenty of work and room for more than one right answer. So, next slide. Okay. So, inflammation. This is kind of a bit of a three-step plan. Um, so the first thing, you know, if you take nothing else away, I think a really great action point is to be an ally. You can help um create positive work environments for the people around you and the next generation. Um, we can help condition each other for success. And then potentially, you know, we we just as a group won't have to suffer so much from this experience. Um, you know, I also would encourage you to be brave and be honest. Give yourself permission to not be perfect and then even say it out loud. Say it to a colleague that you trust or even your team. Um, you know, this is something I've done with my team a lot where I will just say upfront like I don't know the answer or I'm working on this. Um, and it really takes the pressure off and has been a great tool for also opening up lines of communication. And then finally, learn to question your own narrative, identify your conditioning for what it is, and then try to approach the world with the fearlessness of a child. The successful people that you admire have all failed at some point or another. Success isn't about perfection or the lack of failure. It's about the willingness to learn and try again. Okay, next slide, please. All right, so we're back at the happy brain. Hopefully this presentation will help you get back to this place. Um, I really believe that if you come from a place of honesty and learning that magic things can happen, but reframing your mindset takes time. So, please be patient with yourself. Thank you. Well, Natasha, thank you so much for that fabulous presentation. So yeah, just a reminder um if anyone would like like to ask a live question, you can hit five star and I can unmute you and ask a live question. So we have we've had a lot of questions that have come in about confidence. So I'm just going to go try this question from Melanie. Melanie says, "Any advice for any good confidence sharing exercises?" Um sure. So, I think, you know, there's a lot of different things you can do and it kind of depends on, you know, your personality and how you work. Um, I think practicing with someone, you know, if you're someone who, um, worries about like presentations, for example, finding somebody that you trust to practice with and, you know, putting in the prep, um, is is a good thing that can help with confidence. But I also think it's good to kind of write down all of the good parts about yourself and when you um you know just don't focus on all the things that can go wrong like just focus on the fact that like even if you don't do it perfectly um you know there's always something to be learned in that execution and I think you kind of have to help take away the fears and just focus on on the positive and then it becomes a little less scary and hopefully will help you have more confidence. Well, that's wonderful. So, I think we have two more questions and then we'll wrap for the wrap for the afternoon because we've had a lot of questions that are are very similar. So, this next question comes from Casey and Casey says, "A colleague has imposttor syndrome and she micromanages every meeting even if she's not the lead on a project and it adds a lot of time to the meetings. What is the best way to put her at ease or manage this because she can do do the job? Okay. I mean, this one's a little hard because, you know, team dynamics are always a tricky thing. Um, but I would say, you know, just coming from a place of of like honesty and um really wanting to truly help her, you know, find a safe environment to talk to her about it in. You know, it's not something good to call out in front of a team, but I think you can find a safe space to address it. And then make sure that you know when you are talking to her about it that that it doesn't become you know a blaming situation. Be careful with the words that you use and um talk about more how you know how it would help the team and how doing these things you know would kind of help everyone succeed. I think one of the things I've learned in being a manager is that you know everybody hears feedback in different ways. Um, everybody internalizes feedback differently and it's really important that um, when you're having conversations with people that you really take into account how they're going to receive it and try to focus it around, you know, what those behavioral changes will accomplish for the other person and not just um, yourself. Well, that's wonderful. So, I think this will be our final question for the day and then we'll ask you for last thoughts. So, this question came from Paulina and she says,"I love the way you reframed all the thoughts in my head, but how is a good way to share accomplishments without bragging?" Well, um I mean it depends on what context it's in, but I think, you know, it's it's really about the intention behind it. Um there's nothing wrong with being proud of your work. Um, but you know, sometimes it's as simple as not making it about the me me or the I I, right? Like I think even if you are an individual contributor, there's probably still a lot of other people who have worked on it in some capacity or another and um, you know, you can talk about successes, but talk about it as a team or talk about, you know, why it was great and what you learned without having it feel just like, you know, just like a brag. So, I think it's it's really just about being honest with the intention about why you're sharing it and sharing it in the right moment. Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you. Well, Natasha, as we end, do you have any final words of wisdom for all our listeners today? Oh, I think I'm out of words of wisdom. Um, you know, I think just if you if this is something you suffer from, like I get it. Um, it's an ongoing process and just be kind to yourself. Um, make it a daily exercise and the more you put it into practice, the more it will pay off, but you know, it's never going to go away completely. So, have a little grace with yourself and um, yeah, that's all I have to say. Well, thank you so much for being with us today. Thank you. Well, thank you to all our speakers today, both our panel members and our keynote speakers. And thank you to all our listeners as well. Without all of you, these events would not be possible. So, let's continue to support women's leadership and learn from one another. So, be safe, be kind to yourselves, and be well. So, until next time, this is Ginger Watley signing off. Have a great evening, everyone.